What does "wellness" really mean?

“Wellness” has become a buzzword these days; it’s the new “happiness”. Over the last few weeks I have been reflecting on what it really means, how we measure it and how setting a “wellness plan” is different from just another list of things we have to do. Here are my thoughts:

Wellness is about life, living day to day. So is a plan for this somewhat counterproductive? Who is to say that if we increase in all the areas to a maximum, we’ll be well? What level should we be aiming for? So if Marnie has a bad week, she would “abandon any attempts at behavioural change during this time.” And Alison said she hoped to “get back on track” next week suggesting she had failed this week. And I described myself as having “fallen off the wellness wagon”.
 

But that’s life, right? We have those weeks. I have really been struggling with what makes a wellness plan different from a series of “new year’s resolutions”. So what if we don’t achieve goals – maybe we’re not interested in them and forcing ourselves to do them because we feel we should isn’t going to improve our subjective perception of our wellness which is what it is about after all. At what point does a goal become achieved and crossed off the list. When it’s habit? What does this mean? Isn’t a wellness plan more about creating new rituals, changing behaviour than ticking off a series of goals?

Our wellness “plans” need to be flexible – but that needs to be an accepted part of the process, not something we feel is the result of a failure or a challenge. Also we need to give ourselves permission to put some of our goals on hold during challenging times. They may be seasonal – for example, Kathmandu is very humid and disgusting in the monsoon season and so a lot of my movement goals become too challenging. Or my priorities may change? Or I may have set it because I felt I had to. If I try to force myself to do them, I get angry with the whole process and my overall wellness goes down. So I give myself permission not to think about it or feel pressure to achieve it for those months. Does that make me less well?

My conclusion: “wellness” is subjective, it’s constantly changing, it’s life. So don’t get too caught up on it, or on setting goals which you then beat yourself up for failing to meet. Create some rituals which reflect the wellness lifestyle you want to lead and then get on with living!

Don't you sometimes wish life was a bit less complicated? Take a happiness pill!

We were snuggled up in front of the TV, not watching but lost in our own thoughts, neither of us able to sleep. Nimu, my daughter, looked up at me and asked, “Don’t you sometimes wish our lives were a bit less complicated?” “Oh yes, for sure” I shot back with a grin! Then I reflected – life was definitely complicated and stressful at the moment with a lot of lessons to be learned, but at the same time those same complications were also the source of so much joy, inspiration and motivation, so I wouldn’t give them up without a fight. “Well, I could definitely use a few less challenges but overall I am incredibly grateful for my life and all the amazing opportunities I have been given,” I clarified. Nimu cuddled me closer, “You really are insane! But don’t worry, I still love you!”

My brother, Simon, asked me recently how I could look so happy given everything that’s been going on. My answer – I love what I am doing, I am in my flow. Happiness is not a switch you can turn on and off – I firmly believe it is a state of mind that we choose to adopt. I choose to feel happy and grateful for the amazing things in my life, despite the speed bumps along the journey.

 

And there are ways to reduce the impact of the complications and stresses too. A cuddle from my daughter is definitely one which always works. I recently had the privilege of another experience which gave me a wonderful warm fuzzy feeling for days. When I was in Sydney last month, I caught up with my good friend, Libby Hathorn. She has recently compiled (with her daughter-in-law, Rachel Bailey) and published a new anthology of poems written by women from all walks of life called “Women’s Work”. Knowing I had been sick and stressed, Libby read me a poem from the anthology called “Sorrow of the Women" by Kathryn Lomer. It was almost like magic. I could feel it washing over me like the ocean’s waves while lying on the sand on the beach, basking in the warm sun. I could feel the tension flow right out of me as my shoulders relaxed, my breath slowed. It’s funny how you don’t notice how tense you are until you relax! Her soothing voice lulling me as I got lost in the gorgeous flow of words, wrapping me in a positive energy like a soft blanket around my shoulders. I didn’t want it to end. Who needs a massage or other kind of therapy! If ever you’re lucky enough to have Libby read you a poem, you’re in for a real treat. 

 

Thank you, Libby, for giving me a happy pill!

 

What is your happy pill that gives you a boost when life feels a bit complicated?

What does "success" look like?

One of my first and favourite mentors, Ross McLean, used to ask this question when we were designing solutions to our clients’ intellectual property issues. It struck a chord with me because often in life we are so focused on the process and the expected outcome that we forget to look at what it is we are really trying to achieve. Over the last 12 years, I have used this question a lot, both in my professional life and my personal life. It helps to pinpoint what you are really trying to achieve.

With my work with Mitrataa, we often struggle with the question of how to measure “success” – we live in a world obsessed by measurable outcomes, SMART goals and being able to “prove the impact and value” of our work. But does success always have to be measurable? Could it be like the “star factor” that directors look for in actors – “I don't know what it is but I know it when I see it”.

A recent example from a workshop we ran on teaching life skills to a hand-picked team of life skills facilitators in Nepal. We often discuss in our team what “success looks like” for our life skills program. We can’t teach, for example, gratitude, and tick a box at the end saying “We taught them about gratitude, now they are grateful.” It doesn't work like that. How do we show that the girls understand this powerful concept and how to apply it as a skill in their daily lives? During this workshop, we brainstormed what a person who understood how to use gratitude as a tool might act, what observable behaviours might they exhibit that we could take as signs of success of our program. We did it from the perspective of the person involved – “I thank my friends when they do something for me”, “I can make a list of things I am grateful for in my life to help me in hard times” etc. But is this really “success” in terms of our program?

Then I started thinking about what success means in terms of our lives – what does a “successful person” look like? And how does “success” contribute to our happiness? Success will always be subjective but I think we have an unhealthy definition of successful which rules our dreams now – it involves money, material possessions, things that are easy to see and measure. “Wow, look at his big house, he must be successful.” “Oh they are going on holidays to Hawaii, their business must be successful.” When I searched for an image using the key word "success", the results all involved either climbing a ladder (ie always just out of reach) or people in suits making lots of money. Then there were the group that had a fork in the road with success one way and failure the other. Is it one or the other? I believe that the road to 'success' (whatever that is) is filled with 'failures' which help us to learn and grow. What are we teaching our kids if it's an either/or proposal - what if they fail? Can they never be 'successful'?

Our view of success needs to change if we want to live sustainably on our planet, working together to make the world (not just our own individual world) a better place for everyone.

David Orr says it best:

'The plain fact is that the world does not need more successful people; but it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as our culture has defined it.'

Who cares about the hole in the path? Go around it and discover the pleasure of walking on the grass!

Sitting on the plane returning to Kathmandu and indulging in reading the August issue of O Magazine. There is a section of 10 quizzes designed to help you get to know yourself; ranging from “How do you find joy?” to “How much stress can you take?”. I was drawn by the page with the big, empty white box in the middle, empowered through its separation from the words around it by a three-lined grey border. My eyes returned to the top of the page to see what it would teach me about myself – “What’s your best problem solving approach?”

Part 1, the instructions read: “Think of a dilemma you’re currently facing.” Which one, I giggle to myself. “Now quickly push it aside and switch mental gears: Imagine you’re walking through a park when you come to a hole in the ground blocking your path. In the space below [ah, the gorgeous box!], sketch a scene that illustrates how you manage to continue on your way.”

Once I overcame the fear of sketching anything, I thought, “Well, that’s easy, what’s so hard. You simply step off the path, go on the grass around the hole and rejoin the path on the other side!”

Part 2, the instructions continued: “The way you drew yourself getting past the hole – whether on a tree-branch bridge or in a hot air balloon – may give you a new perspective on getting past the obstacle you’re facing in real life.” Insert screeching tyres sound here – Hgh? Hot air balloon? Who’s making such a big deal out of a little hole in the road?!

Then the article asks a series of questions:

·         “Q. How big is the hole? If it is more like a ditch than a canyon, maybe your real world problem isn’t as severe as you thought.”

·         “Q. Did you use the environment around you to get across the hole? If so, you might benefit from friends/family/counselling support.”

·         “Q. Did you draw your picture quickly? If you were guided by instinct, trust your gut. But if you took your time to think, you might want to learn more about your problem before you continue.”

·         “Q. Did you take a risk, a leap of faith? Bold action just might move you closer to your goal.”

Ah, this made me laugh! For me, it was just a hole, so go off the path and walk around it. No big deal, there will no doubt be more; and who needs the path anyway? Enjoy the feeling of the grass underfoot for a moment and rejoin the path on the other side if you like – or don’t. Maybe continue on the grass! Sure it has its risks – it’s a bumpier ride, you might get lost etc. But it feels amazing and who knows what you’ll find! Besides the path, while clear and sure to get you to the other side, had its holes too, right? And isn’t the purpose to enjoy the park, not get to the other side the fastest?