Did you know there is a good type of stress? The secret ingredient is HOPE!

It’s SLC exam time in Nepal. The pressure on the students as they stare down the barrel of the “Iron Gate” exams of which less than half of the students will pass, is substantial. I have been teaching MindBody Wellness to the 29 class 10 students at our model school, Riviera. The last few weeks we have been focusing on stress – its impact on our bodies and our minds as well as ways we can manage it. As I told the students, I can’t take away the stress – the exams are coming whether we like it or not and the pressure of the expectations on their shoulders from their schools, their teachers, their friends, their families but mostly from themselves, is settled in for the long haul. What I can do is to provide them with some tips and tricks to enable them to handle the stress as well as possible.

We did an anonymous “brain dump” – “What effects is the stress having on you both emotionally and physically?” Everyone had a heart shaped sticky note (it was Valentine’s Day after all!) to fill and we stuck them all on the door. As we stood around reading them all, I could hear the murmurs of “me too”, “yes definitely” accompanied head nods as they realised that their classmates were all feeling the exact same things. We talked about the physical effects of stress (yes we talked about tummy upsets, nausea, sore shoulders and backs, feeling tired, lack of appetite) and the emotional ones (easily irritated, fast to anger and yes some of the boys admitted to feeling teary sometimes). We discussed some people preferring to be alone when they are stressed and others craving company. This new awareness enabled a conversation about being respectful of others’ preferences – if you are one who prefers to be around others when you’re stressed, note which classmates share this approach and spend time with them. If someone likes to be alone when they are stressed, leave them alone and don’t take it personally. One of the boys said to me, “Thanks, Bec. I was worried something was wrong with me because I keep getting sick and feeling like vomiting all the time. Now I know it is just the stress, I won’t worry anymore and now I can use that energy for my exams!”

Having worked through what’s normal stress symptoms, I gave them the good news. There are 2 types of stress – distress which, as it sounds, is a negative type of stress; and eustress which is a more positive type of stress. The difference hinges on HOPE and comes down to how we frame the event. If we see the SLC as exams designed to make us fail and that if we don’t get good results our lives will be ruined, this will cause distress and hopelessness. However, if it is reframed to be seen as an opportunity to showcase our hard work and to give us the necessary piece of paper to enable us to go on to achieve our dream futures, then our body and mind react to the hope and respond accordingly, motivating us to study hard and clearing our minds to focus on achieving the best we can do in the exams. We practised reframing our responses to the question they get asked multiple times a day “How are you feeling about your exams?” and responding with an answer reflecting either distress or eustress. One of the girls remarked on the immediate difference in body language between the 2 responses. It was true – a distress response saw the student acting the role with his shoulders dropped, head down, wringing his hands. The same student’s response when he responded with an answer containing hope and opportunity (a eustress response) saw his shoulders thrown back, his head up, hands wide open and a significant confidence in his voice which had been missing before.

By the end of the session, the students had developed a new sense of connection with their classmates, an increased awareness of the fact that they are all facing the same challenge and experiencing the same symptoms of stress, that what they are feeling is normal. They had a new language to discuss with each other how they are coping and they had a reframed view of their exams as an opportunity, full of hope for their futures, leapfrogging the stress of the exams and giving them a glimpse of the hope waiting for them.

The same strategies apply to you. The reality is that we cannot escape the stress in our lives. But we can reframe it to give it hope, to place it in the camp of eustress rather than distress, to be kind to ourselves during the process. And be aware of the effects, both physical and emotional, that stress is having on you. You owe it to yourself to address these. The long term consequences of prolonged stress are huge. There are ways to reduce the impact and face stress with a renewed strength.

We ended the session with a great laughter yoga session. Yes, stress can be contagious. But the best news is that laughter is even more contagious! Thanks, class 10, it is always a pleasure learning with you!

With gratitude always

Bec

The power of perspective - from the worst year ever to a year of inspiration

I sat down to reflect on 2013 and concluded it was the worst year ever. Some horrific things happened which knocked me for six – possibly even further. Feeling rather disheartened by it all, I shifted my focus to thinking about the highlights of the year and a smile immediately appeared on my face as the list grew longer and longer. Here are just a few (in no particular order!): 

1)    Saraswoti, my daughter, obtaining 72% in her SLC (class 10) results. In a year in which only 38% of students passed, I am even more proud of her achievement.

2)    The enormous feedback from my op-ed piece in Nepal’s Republica newspaper titled “Nepal is not poor” gave me hope.

3)    Despite the circumstances, the opportunity to spend time with my brother, sister-in-law and my nephews in Adelaide was a gift.

4)    The passion and energy of the group of students from Charles Sturt University when they spent 3 weeks with us completing their practical teacher training was so much fun.

5)    Setting up our new hostel and the bravery of the kids who came with us inspired me and gave me reason to believe again.

6)    Winning the Rotary Inspirational Woman of the Year Award as well as the Edna Ryan Award for Mentoring humbled me.

7)    My parents, who supported me through a very dark time in ways they will never fully know.

8)    Working with Riviera again and the mentoring I receive from the principal, Prajwal.

9)    The incredible support of my daughter, Nimu, who gives me so much courage and strength every day.

10) A morning spent with Jo Fedler which reminded me of the power of conversations with amazing people.

11) On the same theme, the conversations had over the month she spent in Nepal with Niki Simpson challenged me to think and debate my views of development.

12) The challenges I faced throughout the year gave me opportunities to learn so many lessons and to really focus on what is important to me. This is a gift for which I am very grateful.

 

When I reached the 50^th highlight of the year, I felt like dancing. How could I have felt that 2013 was horrible with a list of 50 pieces of evidence to the contrary? There was so much to be grateful for, so much beauty in the chaos of the storm.
A simple change in my perspective, my focus, gave me confidence to face the new year with a new appreciation of the gifts 2013 had given me.

 

So what challenges are you facing at the moment? And how could a shift in perspective give you a boost in the right direction?

 

(Thanks to Sally Morgan for the amazing image).

“When there is room for doubt, fill the gap with hope.”

Diya smiled at me with her big, soft eyes. “Bec mamu, things will get better. I always have hope for a better future. It can’t be worse than this.” This tiny girl who had experienced more pain and loss in her short life than most people do in a lifetime, continued to have hope, to believe in a better future, even with the odds stacked against her.

Hope is a wonderfully powerful concept. “High hopers” have been shown to embrace a goal with more emotional zeal and energy and to demonstrate a greater ability to develop alternatives when faced with challenges. I wondered whether hope had the same power on a national level as on an individual one when I was struck by the headline in The Economist’s Special Report on Emerging Africa in March 2013 - “A hopeful continent”.

I reflected on the power of hope, the motivation which springs from it as I read the on: “African lives have already greatly improved over the past decade. The next 10 years will be even better.” I smiled at the image this created, inspired by the optimism and celebration of success so far, “a picture at odds with the Western images of Africa.” The media-driven images of controlling dictators, war, and poverty while definitely an accurate depiction in some respects, only told part of the story. These things have become rarer. The report acknowledges that “[p]eople still struggle to make ends meet, just as they do in China and India. They don’t always have enough to eat, they may lack education, they despair at daily injustices and some want to emigrate. But most Africans no longer fear a violent or premature end and can hope to see their children do well. . . . . The biggest reason to be hopeful is that it takes time for results from past investments to come through, and many such benefits have yet to materialise.”

I wished something similar could be said about Nepal, my adopted homeland, a wonderful country with so much to offer the world, but so little hope. Years of civil war, followed by years of ineffective and self-obsessed government had drained these patient and fatalistic people of their belief in the possibilities of a better future.

 

Travelling back to Nepal after a few weeks in Australia, the Straits Times hailed a cry of hope from the Singaporean prime minister – “PM: A bright future for S’pore’s babies. He urges citizens to work with the Government to keep the country a good place to raise children.” For a spirit of national hope to thrive, it needs to be led by the government, inspired by the government and communicated by the media. Singapore seemed to have found a way to share its inspiration. Nepal’s media on the other hand, was communicating a message from its government which had a very different approach.

“Consensus again eludes big four” shouted one headline. “Differences delay new gov’t. Leaders disagree on army rank, TRC, voter registration” proclaimed another. “NBA opposes CJ-led government. Threatens protests if parties go ahead.” And finally “After days of dilly-dallying, CJ accepts PM offer. SC statement says Regmi not guided by personal interest”.

The “big four” had been arguing for months and still hadn’t managed to pass the new constitution. A few months later in August and the November election date has just been abandoned because some parties are refusing to participate because they don’t think they have the numbers yet – um, so let them not contest it! But no, the country remains in a downward spiral while the politicians fight for power. Is it any wonder the Nepali people have lost hope?

Bhutan, known for its innovative Gross National Happiness, also recently made a decision to issue condoms to monks. Even though monks are supposed to be celibate, the government was concerned that sexually transmitted diseases were being reported and so decided to tackle the issue head on rather than ignoring it and allowing it to get bigger. This is the kind of proactive, unafraid, committed government Nepal needs in order to inspire its people to rediscover their hope.

The story in Nepal needs to change from the “Nepal is a poor country which needs lots of help” narrative that they are taught in schools and which is reinforced by the amount of aid coming in and by the government’s disorganised self-obsessed mismanagement to one of hope. Maybe Diya is right, it can’t get worse so we have to hope it will get better. Perhaps Nepal needs to develop a new form of national measurement, inspired by Bhutan’s Gross National Happiness – Gross National Hope.

Imagine what could be achieved if Nepal was a country of “high hopers” with the passion and energy to achieve their dreams. Imagine if The Economist’s headline was about Nepal – “a country of hope”.

“When there is room for doubt, fill the gap with hope.”