What does "wellness" really mean?

“Wellness” has become a buzzword these days; it’s the new “happiness”. Over the last few weeks I have been reflecting on what it really means, how we measure it and how setting a “wellness plan” is different from just another list of things we have to do. Here are my thoughts:

Wellness is about life, living day to day. So is a plan for this somewhat counterproductive? Who is to say that if we increase in all the areas to a maximum, we’ll be well? What level should we be aiming for? So if Marnie has a bad week, she would “abandon any attempts at behavioural change during this time.” And Alison said she hoped to “get back on track” next week suggesting she had failed this week. And I described myself as having “fallen off the wellness wagon”.
 

But that’s life, right? We have those weeks. I have really been struggling with what makes a wellness plan different from a series of “new year’s resolutions”. So what if we don’t achieve goals – maybe we’re not interested in them and forcing ourselves to do them because we feel we should isn’t going to improve our subjective perception of our wellness which is what it is about after all. At what point does a goal become achieved and crossed off the list. When it’s habit? What does this mean? Isn’t a wellness plan more about creating new rituals, changing behaviour than ticking off a series of goals?

Our wellness “plans” need to be flexible – but that needs to be an accepted part of the process, not something we feel is the result of a failure or a challenge. Also we need to give ourselves permission to put some of our goals on hold during challenging times. They may be seasonal – for example, Kathmandu is very humid and disgusting in the monsoon season and so a lot of my movement goals become too challenging. Or my priorities may change? Or I may have set it because I felt I had to. If I try to force myself to do them, I get angry with the whole process and my overall wellness goes down. So I give myself permission not to think about it or feel pressure to achieve it for those months. Does that make me less well?

My conclusion: “wellness” is subjective, it’s constantly changing, it’s life. So don’t get too caught up on it, or on setting goals which you then beat yourself up for failing to meet. Create some rituals which reflect the wellness lifestyle you want to lead and then get on with living!

“I don’t have time” is a bulls**t excuse

“How are you?” her friend asked as they sat in their favourite coffee shop for their weekly debrief on life, work, husbands, the state of the world.

“Busy” came the standard reply. “Me too. Work has been insane, Mark’s away so I’ve got the kids on my own, Mum’s been unwell so I had to take her to the doctor . . . . .” The list went on.

“Oh, I know”, her friend leapt on a pause for breath, “we’ve got a big presentation coming up for a new client and John’s driving me mad with his constant requests. Talk about the client from hell. Does he think he is my only client, for God’s sake?”

Jane smiled to herself at the next table. She wondered when being “busy” had become a badge of honour; when it had changed so that unless you’re running doing a million things at once, when you’re not seen to be a high performer or someone who’s worth being friends with. You’re seen as someone who can’t possibly be happy because you haven’t rattled off a list of things you’re busy with. Or maybe it’ that we use it as an excuse, she pondered. “How can I have time to be happy, I am too busy . . . .” As she sipped her chai, she tuned her ears back into the conversation at the next table.

“I used to love Fridays with the weekend looming large, but now the weekends are even busier. Jess has to go to netball, James has a sleepover. It’s Mark’s mother’s birthday so we have to do the family thing. Shit. I have to get her a present too. She’s always judging me because I don’t have time to get her a present.” “Why doesn’t Mark get it, it’s his mother?” her friend ventured. “Oh apparently he’s too busy. Like, I’m not,” she scoffed. “He should try working at my job, raising the kids . . . .”

I don't believe in the "I don't have time excuse". We all have the same number of hours in the day; if we don't have time for something, it means we chose not to make it a priority to do it. That's fine but own the decision instead of trying to justify it away with the old "I don't have time" excuse. I challenge you next time you catch yourself using it to really question why. If it's something that's not important, take it off the To Do list and free your mind from it. If it is important, question why you didn't make it a priority today.

As the Zen saying goes, "You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day, unless you're too busy; then you should sit for an hour."

So take some time out for yourself today, and don’t feel guilty about it. Own the decision and enjoy it.

  

What does an "empowered woman" look like?

Sarita, one of the girls we support, asked me the other day, “Bec, how do you empower women?” Great question, where did it come from, I asked her. Her principal had asked her what her plans are for when she finishes class 10 in April. She said she wanted to work to empower women and the principal had nodded her head approvingly. This an accepted answer in Nepal and the catch cry of so many NGOs and INGOs. But, Sarita, continued, although she had used this phrase hundreds of times in school essays and exams, she wanted to know exactly what it meant.

We brainstormed what an “empowered woman” would look like, what would she do, how would she behave. Then looked at what skills they need and what support they may need on that journey. Finally, we broke down how organisations are approaching this task today.

Our conclusions:

1)    CONTEXTUAL SKILLS - Empowerment is about providing practical tools and skills to women to enable them to grab their opportunities within their context. It is about inspiring them to act or to change their behaviour;

2)    AWARENESS v ACTION - Most organisations focus on awareness only, on educating women as to their rights, nutrition, literacy etc. But they fail to focus on changing behaviours, on creating new rituals and behaviours in the women. The measurements of success for most organisations is numbers based – how many women were trained, how many received microloans. That is missing the point – it is not measuring behaviours that showcase empowered women;

3)    JARGON - Empowerment is a buzzword. There are so many of them used in development circles. But do people really understand what they mean? Do they consider what “success” looks like in these programs? In my experience, rarely.

Mitrataa has fallen into this trap sometimes too. We have explored before how to measure whether the girls we work with have really embraced the life skills we teach them. Empowered women fall into the same category. What does it mean and why are we aiming for it?

The development industry, in my experience, has got too caught up in jargon and patting themselves on the back for achieving numbers. But how about measuring what really matters – not to us, but to the people we have the privilege of supporting.

Thanks, Sarita, for making me really think. I am so happy to hear your future will involve empowering women. Nepal is lucky to count you as a future leader!