Did you know there is a good type of stress? The secret ingredient is HOPE!

It’s SLC exam time in Nepal. The pressure on the students as they stare down the barrel of the “Iron Gate” exams of which less than half of the students will pass, is substantial. I have been teaching MindBody Wellness to the 29 class 10 students at our model school, Riviera. The last few weeks we have been focusing on stress – its impact on our bodies and our minds as well as ways we can manage it. As I told the students, I can’t take away the stress – the exams are coming whether we like it or not and the pressure of the expectations on their shoulders from their schools, their teachers, their friends, their families but mostly from themselves, is settled in for the long haul. What I can do is to provide them with some tips and tricks to enable them to handle the stress as well as possible.

We did an anonymous “brain dump” – “What effects is the stress having on you both emotionally and physically?” Everyone had a heart shaped sticky note (it was Valentine’s Day after all!) to fill and we stuck them all on the door. As we stood around reading them all, I could hear the murmurs of “me too”, “yes definitely” accompanied head nods as they realised that their classmates were all feeling the exact same things. We talked about the physical effects of stress (yes we talked about tummy upsets, nausea, sore shoulders and backs, feeling tired, lack of appetite) and the emotional ones (easily irritated, fast to anger and yes some of the boys admitted to feeling teary sometimes). We discussed some people preferring to be alone when they are stressed and others craving company. This new awareness enabled a conversation about being respectful of others’ preferences – if you are one who prefers to be around others when you’re stressed, note which classmates share this approach and spend time with them. If someone likes to be alone when they are stressed, leave them alone and don’t take it personally. One of the boys said to me, “Thanks, Bec. I was worried something was wrong with me because I keep getting sick and feeling like vomiting all the time. Now I know it is just the stress, I won’t worry anymore and now I can use that energy for my exams!”

Having worked through what’s normal stress symptoms, I gave them the good news. There are 2 types of stress – distress which, as it sounds, is a negative type of stress; and eustress which is a more positive type of stress. The difference hinges on HOPE and comes down to how we frame the event. If we see the SLC as exams designed to make us fail and that if we don’t get good results our lives will be ruined, this will cause distress and hopelessness. However, if it is reframed to be seen as an opportunity to showcase our hard work and to give us the necessary piece of paper to enable us to go on to achieve our dream futures, then our body and mind react to the hope and respond accordingly, motivating us to study hard and clearing our minds to focus on achieving the best we can do in the exams. We practised reframing our responses to the question they get asked multiple times a day “How are you feeling about your exams?” and responding with an answer reflecting either distress or eustress. One of the girls remarked on the immediate difference in body language between the 2 responses. It was true – a distress response saw the student acting the role with his shoulders dropped, head down, wringing his hands. The same student’s response when he responded with an answer containing hope and opportunity (a eustress response) saw his shoulders thrown back, his head up, hands wide open and a significant confidence in his voice which had been missing before.

By the end of the session, the students had developed a new sense of connection with their classmates, an increased awareness of the fact that they are all facing the same challenge and experiencing the same symptoms of stress, that what they are feeling is normal. They had a new language to discuss with each other how they are coping and they had a reframed view of their exams as an opportunity, full of hope for their futures, leapfrogging the stress of the exams and giving them a glimpse of the hope waiting for them.

The same strategies apply to you. The reality is that we cannot escape the stress in our lives. But we can reframe it to give it hope, to place it in the camp of eustress rather than distress, to be kind to ourselves during the process. And be aware of the effects, both physical and emotional, that stress is having on you. You owe it to yourself to address these. The long term consequences of prolonged stress are huge. There are ways to reduce the impact and face stress with a renewed strength.

We ended the session with a great laughter yoga session. Yes, stress can be contagious. But the best news is that laughter is even more contagious! Thanks, class 10, it is always a pleasure learning with you!

With gratitude always

Bec

The Rwandan Approach to Depression - Community, nature and joy

Neha was feeling out of sorts. Exams were looming and the pressure was intensifying. The Iron Gate of the SLC (final school exams) seemed to get taller every day. Her will to go on had disappeared. I hated seeing her under this amount of pressure, wished I could do something. The Nepalis I spoke to said it was simply exam pressure and everyone had to go through it. But it was more than that. Her appetite had gone, she couldn’t sleep. She had started talking about suicide. Her soul was giving up. I sought advice in Australia. I was told she needed counselling and to be put on anti-depressants, that she was clinically depressed.

 

I returned to the psychiatrist in Kathmandu to ask his advice. “It’s normal exam pressure, but if you think it’s more, then here are some anti-depressants and sleeping tablets.” Um, no thanks. Sleeping tablets for a suicidal teenager didn’t seem logical. And counselling in Nepal generally consists of telling them to get over it and study harder.

 

All options seemed counterintuitive. Talking about what was making her stressed and drumming it further into her mind; medicating her so she wasn’t able to feel the stress; telling her to get over it; removing the stress entirely by telling her not to sit her final SLC exams, effectively limiting her future options. There had to be a better way; one which was more positive, which would build her resilience against future stress as well. Not one which seemed to compound the problem.

 

Then I came across this quote about the Rwandan approach to dealing with depression. It was an aha moment for me.  

 

"We had a lot of trouble with western mental health workers who came here immediately after the genocide and we had to ask some of them to leave. They came and their practice did not involve being outside in the sun where you begin to feel better. There was no music or drumming to get your blood flowing again. There was no sense that everyone had taken the day off so that the entire community could come together to try to lift you up and bring you back to joy. There was no acknowledgement of the depression as something invasive and external that could actually be cast out again. Instead they would take people one at a time into these dingy little rooms and have them sit around for an hour or so and talk about bad things that had happened to them. We had to ask them to leave."

 

As I reflected on this as well as the elements of wellbeing and the research surrounding resilience, I felt like we needed to inject some fun into Neha’s routine, some laughter and positive experiences. So we started with a “Love Bomb” – a burst of one on one attention doing something she enjoys. Often these have the effect of giving a boost of energy which enables the person to grab onto the first rung of the ladder to help them climb out of the pit of depression. We combined this with a number of other strategies – spending time in nature, allowing our bare feet to connect with the earth; hanging out with the kindergarten kids (there is something uplifting about enjoying the company of young children with few inhibitions and a wonderful curiosity for life); a crazy hour of dancing to all her favourite songs. We also taught Neha the impact that stress was having on her body, allowing her to identify the symptoms and giving her some tools (breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques) to minimise these. Then we added some memory boosting foods such as almonds and tuna.

 

Of course, the tension and pressure of exams continued. We can’t remove this. But by adopting the Rwandan way, giving her a package of positive boosters, we hoped to allow her to climb out of the depressive pit and to allow her to feel confident she could handle things herself in future.

 

As Neha’s final exams near, she is in a great place. Stressed and terrified, understandably yes; but no longer feeling hopeless and sad. Now she sees the opportunities to learn from the experience and is excited about her future. And her cheer squad is right here to give her boosts of fun and love along the way.

 

 

 

 

The power of perspective - from the worst year ever to a year of inspiration

I sat down to reflect on 2013 and concluded it was the worst year ever. Some horrific things happened which knocked me for six – possibly even further. Feeling rather disheartened by it all, I shifted my focus to thinking about the highlights of the year and a smile immediately appeared on my face as the list grew longer and longer. Here are just a few (in no particular order!): 

1)    Saraswoti, my daughter, obtaining 72% in her SLC (class 10) results. In a year in which only 38% of students passed, I am even more proud of her achievement.

2)    The enormous feedback from my op-ed piece in Nepal’s Republica newspaper titled “Nepal is not poor” gave me hope.

3)    Despite the circumstances, the opportunity to spend time with my brother, sister-in-law and my nephews in Adelaide was a gift.

4)    The passion and energy of the group of students from Charles Sturt University when they spent 3 weeks with us completing their practical teacher training was so much fun.

5)    Setting up our new hostel and the bravery of the kids who came with us inspired me and gave me reason to believe again.

6)    Winning the Rotary Inspirational Woman of the Year Award as well as the Edna Ryan Award for Mentoring humbled me.

7)    My parents, who supported me through a very dark time in ways they will never fully know.

8)    Working with Riviera again and the mentoring I receive from the principal, Prajwal.

9)    The incredible support of my daughter, Nimu, who gives me so much courage and strength every day.

10) A morning spent with Jo Fedler which reminded me of the power of conversations with amazing people.

11) On the same theme, the conversations had over the month she spent in Nepal with Niki Simpson challenged me to think and debate my views of development.

12) The challenges I faced throughout the year gave me opportunities to learn so many lessons and to really focus on what is important to me. This is a gift for which I am very grateful.

 

When I reached the 50^th highlight of the year, I felt like dancing. How could I have felt that 2013 was horrible with a list of 50 pieces of evidence to the contrary? There was so much to be grateful for, so much beauty in the chaos of the storm.
A simple change in my perspective, my focus, gave me confidence to face the new year with a new appreciation of the gifts 2013 had given me.

 

So what challenges are you facing at the moment? And how could a shift in perspective give you a boost in the right direction?

 

(Thanks to Sally Morgan for the amazing image).

What does "wellness" really mean?

“Wellness” has become a buzzword these days; it’s the new “happiness”. Over the last few weeks I have been reflecting on what it really means, how we measure it and how setting a “wellness plan” is different from just another list of things we have to do. Here are my thoughts:

Wellness is about life, living day to day. So is a plan for this somewhat counterproductive? Who is to say that if we increase in all the areas to a maximum, we’ll be well? What level should we be aiming for? So if Marnie has a bad week, she would “abandon any attempts at behavioural change during this time.” And Alison said she hoped to “get back on track” next week suggesting she had failed this week. And I described myself as having “fallen off the wellness wagon”.
 

But that’s life, right? We have those weeks. I have really been struggling with what makes a wellness plan different from a series of “new year’s resolutions”. So what if we don’t achieve goals – maybe we’re not interested in them and forcing ourselves to do them because we feel we should isn’t going to improve our subjective perception of our wellness which is what it is about after all. At what point does a goal become achieved and crossed off the list. When it’s habit? What does this mean? Isn’t a wellness plan more about creating new rituals, changing behaviour than ticking off a series of goals?

Our wellness “plans” need to be flexible – but that needs to be an accepted part of the process, not something we feel is the result of a failure or a challenge. Also we need to give ourselves permission to put some of our goals on hold during challenging times. They may be seasonal – for example, Kathmandu is very humid and disgusting in the monsoon season and so a lot of my movement goals become too challenging. Or my priorities may change? Or I may have set it because I felt I had to. If I try to force myself to do them, I get angry with the whole process and my overall wellness goes down. So I give myself permission not to think about it or feel pressure to achieve it for those months. Does that make me less well?

My conclusion: “wellness” is subjective, it’s constantly changing, it’s life. So don’t get too caught up on it, or on setting goals which you then beat yourself up for failing to meet. Create some rituals which reflect the wellness lifestyle you want to lead and then get on with living!

“I don’t have time” is a bulls**t excuse

“How are you?” her friend asked as they sat in their favourite coffee shop for their weekly debrief on life, work, husbands, the state of the world.

“Busy” came the standard reply. “Me too. Work has been insane, Mark’s away so I’ve got the kids on my own, Mum’s been unwell so I had to take her to the doctor . . . . .” The list went on.

“Oh, I know”, her friend leapt on a pause for breath, “we’ve got a big presentation coming up for a new client and John’s driving me mad with his constant requests. Talk about the client from hell. Does he think he is my only client, for God’s sake?”

Jane smiled to herself at the next table. She wondered when being “busy” had become a badge of honour; when it had changed so that unless you’re running doing a million things at once, when you’re not seen to be a high performer or someone who’s worth being friends with. You’re seen as someone who can’t possibly be happy because you haven’t rattled off a list of things you’re busy with. Or maybe it’ that we use it as an excuse, she pondered. “How can I have time to be happy, I am too busy . . . .” As she sipped her chai, she tuned her ears back into the conversation at the next table.

“I used to love Fridays with the weekend looming large, but now the weekends are even busier. Jess has to go to netball, James has a sleepover. It’s Mark’s mother’s birthday so we have to do the family thing. Shit. I have to get her a present too. She’s always judging me because I don’t have time to get her a present.” “Why doesn’t Mark get it, it’s his mother?” her friend ventured. “Oh apparently he’s too busy. Like, I’m not,” she scoffed. “He should try working at my job, raising the kids . . . .”

I don't believe in the "I don't have time excuse". We all have the same number of hours in the day; if we don't have time for something, it means we chose not to make it a priority to do it. That's fine but own the decision instead of trying to justify it away with the old "I don't have time" excuse. I challenge you next time you catch yourself using it to really question why. If it's something that's not important, take it off the To Do list and free your mind from it. If it is important, question why you didn't make it a priority today.

As the Zen saying goes, "You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day, unless you're too busy; then you should sit for an hour."

So take some time out for yourself today, and don’t feel guilty about it. Own the decision and enjoy it.

  

What does an "empowered woman" look like?

Sarita, one of the girls we support, asked me the other day, “Bec, how do you empower women?” Great question, where did it come from, I asked her. Her principal had asked her what her plans are for when she finishes class 10 in April. She said she wanted to work to empower women and the principal had nodded her head approvingly. This an accepted answer in Nepal and the catch cry of so many NGOs and INGOs. But, Sarita, continued, although she had used this phrase hundreds of times in school essays and exams, she wanted to know exactly what it meant.

We brainstormed what an “empowered woman” would look like, what would she do, how would she behave. Then looked at what skills they need and what support they may need on that journey. Finally, we broke down how organisations are approaching this task today.

Our conclusions:

1)    CONTEXTUAL SKILLS - Empowerment is about providing practical tools and skills to women to enable them to grab their opportunities within their context. It is about inspiring them to act or to change their behaviour;

2)    AWARENESS v ACTION - Most organisations focus on awareness only, on educating women as to their rights, nutrition, literacy etc. But they fail to focus on changing behaviours, on creating new rituals and behaviours in the women. The measurements of success for most organisations is numbers based – how many women were trained, how many received microloans. That is missing the point – it is not measuring behaviours that showcase empowered women;

3)    JARGON - Empowerment is a buzzword. There are so many of them used in development circles. But do people really understand what they mean? Do they consider what “success” looks like in these programs? In my experience, rarely.

Mitrataa has fallen into this trap sometimes too. We have explored before how to measure whether the girls we work with have really embraced the life skills we teach them. Empowered women fall into the same category. What does it mean and why are we aiming for it?

The development industry, in my experience, has got too caught up in jargon and patting themselves on the back for achieving numbers. But how about measuring what really matters – not to us, but to the people we have the privilege of supporting.

Thanks, Sarita, for making me really think. I am so happy to hear your future will involve empowering women. Nepal is lucky to count you as a future leader!

Energy Vampires v Cheer Squads

I had a few visits from energy vampires this week. You know the ones – those people in your life who have the uncanny ability to suck the energy out of you with their words or actions. Recognising their impact is a first step, but going from that to taking away the impact of their energy drain is a step I often struggle with!

Since I cannot just avoid these people, I decided to balance their energy with the positive energy that I feel when members of my Cheer Squad are around. These are people who believe in our dreams unconditionally, the ones who always manage to inspire us and remind us why we are on this path, the ones with whom a single conversation can send us soaring with ideas again.

I am so incredibly lucky to have some amazing people in my life who inspire me so after some bumpy moments with energy vampires, I managed to rediscover my confidence and try again.

Identifying the energy vampires in our lives and working out strategies to minimise their impact (which may include avoiding them if possible) is important. But even more so is identifying the members of our Cheer Squads – there will be different members you turn to at different times: some for a cuddle or a cup of tea, some for a “bitch session” to let you get it out of your system (although not too much before encouraging you to move on!), some for a debate on the issue and others for offering advice. Each is important and knowing who in your Cheer Squad will help replenish your energy and confidence when you need it will make it easier when those energy vampires come visiting.

However, as one of my Cheer Squad reminded me this week, sometimes it us who needs to change our perspective of these energy vampires and view them with compassion. What are they facing in their lives which is making them in need of energy? Or are they trying to teach us a lesson we need to learn . . . patience, perhaps? Changing the lens through which we view them can limit their ability to drain our energy.

Always remember to share your gratitude with your Cheer Squad too and be there when they need you to return the favour. And don’t turn into an energy vampire yourself for members of your Cheer Squad!

Thanks so much to my amazing Cheer Squad for helping me to replenish my energy this week. You are all wonderful and I am so lucky to have you in my life.

 

“When there is room for doubt, fill the gap with hope.”

Diya smiled at me with her big, soft eyes. “Bec mamu, things will get better. I always have hope for a better future. It can’t be worse than this.” This tiny girl who had experienced more pain and loss in her short life than most people do in a lifetime, continued to have hope, to believe in a better future, even with the odds stacked against her.

Hope is a wonderfully powerful concept. “High hopers” have been shown to embrace a goal with more emotional zeal and energy and to demonstrate a greater ability to develop alternatives when faced with challenges. I wondered whether hope had the same power on a national level as on an individual one when I was struck by the headline in The Economist’s Special Report on Emerging Africa in March 2013 - “A hopeful continent”.

I reflected on the power of hope, the motivation which springs from it as I read the on: “African lives have already greatly improved over the past decade. The next 10 years will be even better.” I smiled at the image this created, inspired by the optimism and celebration of success so far, “a picture at odds with the Western images of Africa.” The media-driven images of controlling dictators, war, and poverty while definitely an accurate depiction in some respects, only told part of the story. These things have become rarer. The report acknowledges that “[p]eople still struggle to make ends meet, just as they do in China and India. They don’t always have enough to eat, they may lack education, they despair at daily injustices and some want to emigrate. But most Africans no longer fear a violent or premature end and can hope to see their children do well. . . . . The biggest reason to be hopeful is that it takes time for results from past investments to come through, and many such benefits have yet to materialise.”

I wished something similar could be said about Nepal, my adopted homeland, a wonderful country with so much to offer the world, but so little hope. Years of civil war, followed by years of ineffective and self-obsessed government had drained these patient and fatalistic people of their belief in the possibilities of a better future.

 

Travelling back to Nepal after a few weeks in Australia, the Straits Times hailed a cry of hope from the Singaporean prime minister – “PM: A bright future for S’pore’s babies. He urges citizens to work with the Government to keep the country a good place to raise children.” For a spirit of national hope to thrive, it needs to be led by the government, inspired by the government and communicated by the media. Singapore seemed to have found a way to share its inspiration. Nepal’s media on the other hand, was communicating a message from its government which had a very different approach.

“Consensus again eludes big four” shouted one headline. “Differences delay new gov’t. Leaders disagree on army rank, TRC, voter registration” proclaimed another. “NBA opposes CJ-led government. Threatens protests if parties go ahead.” And finally “After days of dilly-dallying, CJ accepts PM offer. SC statement says Regmi not guided by personal interest”.

The “big four” had been arguing for months and still hadn’t managed to pass the new constitution. A few months later in August and the November election date has just been abandoned because some parties are refusing to participate because they don’t think they have the numbers yet – um, so let them not contest it! But no, the country remains in a downward spiral while the politicians fight for power. Is it any wonder the Nepali people have lost hope?

Bhutan, known for its innovative Gross National Happiness, also recently made a decision to issue condoms to monks. Even though monks are supposed to be celibate, the government was concerned that sexually transmitted diseases were being reported and so decided to tackle the issue head on rather than ignoring it and allowing it to get bigger. This is the kind of proactive, unafraid, committed government Nepal needs in order to inspire its people to rediscover their hope.

The story in Nepal needs to change from the “Nepal is a poor country which needs lots of help” narrative that they are taught in schools and which is reinforced by the amount of aid coming in and by the government’s disorganised self-obsessed mismanagement to one of hope. Maybe Diya is right, it can’t get worse so we have to hope it will get better. Perhaps Nepal needs to develop a new form of national measurement, inspired by Bhutan’s Gross National Happiness – Gross National Hope.

Imagine what could be achieved if Nepal was a country of “high hopers” with the passion and energy to achieve their dreams. Imagine if The Economist’s headline was about Nepal – “a country of hope”.

“When there is room for doubt, fill the gap with hope.” 

Don't you sometimes wish life was a bit less complicated? Take a happiness pill!

We were snuggled up in front of the TV, not watching but lost in our own thoughts, neither of us able to sleep. Nimu, my daughter, looked up at me and asked, “Don’t you sometimes wish our lives were a bit less complicated?” “Oh yes, for sure” I shot back with a grin! Then I reflected – life was definitely complicated and stressful at the moment with a lot of lessons to be learned, but at the same time those same complications were also the source of so much joy, inspiration and motivation, so I wouldn’t give them up without a fight. “Well, I could definitely use a few less challenges but overall I am incredibly grateful for my life and all the amazing opportunities I have been given,” I clarified. Nimu cuddled me closer, “You really are insane! But don’t worry, I still love you!”

My brother, Simon, asked me recently how I could look so happy given everything that’s been going on. My answer – I love what I am doing, I am in my flow. Happiness is not a switch you can turn on and off – I firmly believe it is a state of mind that we choose to adopt. I choose to feel happy and grateful for the amazing things in my life, despite the speed bumps along the journey.

 

And there are ways to reduce the impact of the complications and stresses too. A cuddle from my daughter is definitely one which always works. I recently had the privilege of another experience which gave me a wonderful warm fuzzy feeling for days. When I was in Sydney last month, I caught up with my good friend, Libby Hathorn. She has recently compiled (with her daughter-in-law, Rachel Bailey) and published a new anthology of poems written by women from all walks of life called “Women’s Work”. Knowing I had been sick and stressed, Libby read me a poem from the anthology called “Sorrow of the Women" by Kathryn Lomer. It was almost like magic. I could feel it washing over me like the ocean’s waves while lying on the sand on the beach, basking in the warm sun. I could feel the tension flow right out of me as my shoulders relaxed, my breath slowed. It’s funny how you don’t notice how tense you are until you relax! Her soothing voice lulling me as I got lost in the gorgeous flow of words, wrapping me in a positive energy like a soft blanket around my shoulders. I didn’t want it to end. Who needs a massage or other kind of therapy! If ever you’re lucky enough to have Libby read you a poem, you’re in for a real treat. 

 

Thank you, Libby, for giving me a happy pill!

 

What is your happy pill that gives you a boost when life feels a bit complicated?

What does "success" look like?

One of my first and favourite mentors, Ross McLean, used to ask this question when we were designing solutions to our clients’ intellectual property issues. It struck a chord with me because often in life we are so focused on the process and the expected outcome that we forget to look at what it is we are really trying to achieve. Over the last 12 years, I have used this question a lot, both in my professional life and my personal life. It helps to pinpoint what you are really trying to achieve.

With my work with Mitrataa, we often struggle with the question of how to measure “success” – we live in a world obsessed by measurable outcomes, SMART goals and being able to “prove the impact and value” of our work. But does success always have to be measurable? Could it be like the “star factor” that directors look for in actors – “I don't know what it is but I know it when I see it”.

A recent example from a workshop we ran on teaching life skills to a hand-picked team of life skills facilitators in Nepal. We often discuss in our team what “success looks like” for our life skills program. We can’t teach, for example, gratitude, and tick a box at the end saying “We taught them about gratitude, now they are grateful.” It doesn't work like that. How do we show that the girls understand this powerful concept and how to apply it as a skill in their daily lives? During this workshop, we brainstormed what a person who understood how to use gratitude as a tool might act, what observable behaviours might they exhibit that we could take as signs of success of our program. We did it from the perspective of the person involved – “I thank my friends when they do something for me”, “I can make a list of things I am grateful for in my life to help me in hard times” etc. But is this really “success” in terms of our program?

Then I started thinking about what success means in terms of our lives – what does a “successful person” look like? And how does “success” contribute to our happiness? Success will always be subjective but I think we have an unhealthy definition of successful which rules our dreams now – it involves money, material possessions, things that are easy to see and measure. “Wow, look at his big house, he must be successful.” “Oh they are going on holidays to Hawaii, their business must be successful.” When I searched for an image using the key word "success", the results all involved either climbing a ladder (ie always just out of reach) or people in suits making lots of money. Then there were the group that had a fork in the road with success one way and failure the other. Is it one or the other? I believe that the road to 'success' (whatever that is) is filled with 'failures' which help us to learn and grow. What are we teaching our kids if it's an either/or proposal - what if they fail? Can they never be 'successful'?

Our view of success needs to change if we want to live sustainably on our planet, working together to make the world (not just our own individual world) a better place for everyone.

David Orr says it best:

'The plain fact is that the world does not need more successful people; but it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as our culture has defined it.'

Laughter and Life – a morning with Patch Adams

Last week I had an assignment due on laughter as a tool in our wellness toolbox. I spent a blissful hour reading a chapter in our textbook by Dr Hunter Adams, the real doctor behind the Robin Williams character in the famous Patch Adams movie.

Here are some of his thoughts which struck me:

1)    “To be healthy is to have a body toned to its maximum performance potential, a clear mind exploding with wonder and curiosity and a spirit happy and at peace with the world” – Doesn't this delicious description make you want it?

2)    “Life is a cascade of choices, and we are an expression of both the short term and the long term choices we make.” – What a wonderful phase, a cascade of choices. In these times, we have an overload of choices, of options, and that actually makes it more difficult in many ways because we constantly question the ones we make and wonder “what if we’d made a different one”. Whereas if we don't have a huge selection of choices, we tend to accept our choice and get on with making the most of it, focusing more on the outcome and therefore more likely to enjoy the process and feel more satisfied with the journey.

3)    “If love is the foundation for happiness, then fun, play and laughter are the vehicles for its expression.” – So true and created such a wonderful image in my mind of little fun coloured cars zipping around a map of love with a soundtrack of giggles.

4)    . . .”so few adults I have spoken with speak of life as a wondrous zestful journey, and most illnesses seen by a family doctor have a huge lifestyle component, frustrating the physician because they could have been prevented with self-care.” – We live in a time where this is unfortunately even more true but we’re fortunate that the wellness movement gives us so many wonderful tools with which to tinker with our wellness and take better care of ourselves so we can appreciate the wondrous zestful journey of life.

5)    And some myths about laughter that according to Dr Adams keep us from laughing:

a.    That we need a reason to laugh – oh, no. Laughter for no reason is the best kind!

b.    That we laugh because we are happy – the reality is that we are happy because we laugh!

c.  A sense of humour is the same thing as laughter – wrong! They are very different processes. Laughter just takes a willingness to let go and enjoy yourself. If you haven’t tried laughter yoga, go ahead and try it! It is an incredibly freeing experience and will keep a smile on your face all day!

I hope to share my laughter article with you at some stage. In the meantime, go out and have a great laugh. You’ll be happy you did! I’m off to get watch the Patch Adams movie again!

Our marriage is like the New iPad – more of the same, including more of the amazingness!

The night before leaving Australia after a wonderfully inspiring and challenging month in Australia with my gorgeous husband, I had dinner with my amazing friend, Fleur. She was telling me how her brother-in-law had reflected on Adam and my current life apart and concluded that he could never be away from his wife like that as they are too much in love and too close. This shook me initially because I would have described me and Adam like that a few years ago. I’d still describe us as close and incredibly in love – just following our mutual dreams in different locations for a while. But I actually think this 18 months of living apart has strengthened each of us and therefore our relationship in many ways. We have learned to be independent, strong in new ways, but because our relationship is so strong, our newfound independence made us stronger together too – sure our relationship has changed and we have some rebuilding to do but in a great way, full of possibilities.

Never once have I doubted that that we’re meant to be together and will be together. That’s a given. But if you’d told me that I could live on my own in Nepal, raise 2 amazing Nepali daughters on my own, run Mitrataa and a children’s home with 200 kids, I'd have laughed and thought you were crazier than I was! I was the cherished one, the one who was supported and inspired by my incredible husband. But now I have that amazing gift of unconditional support together with knowing myself, how much I can handle, how strong and driven I can be. What an incredible combination. Adam also now knows what he can do, how he can inspire himself and create something amazing. And that I can survive without him which is freeing for him – but he also knows how much I need him, we need each other in an even healthier way now.

So we get to rebuild – same blocks, and a few new ones to add, a wonderful new version of our relationship. That’s not to say it was broken and needed fixing – it was amazing already. But now it’s even more so – and deeper and stronger and richer with our daughters as well. Kind of like the iPad really – the first version was amazing and we all thought it was the best thing ever – but while we swooned, Apple didn't stop and pat themselves on the back for long and say ‘Our job is done.’ They kept innovating, developing, stretching, building on what was working and leaving out the bits that didn't. The result – the latest New iPad is . . . well, more of the same; including MORE of the amazing, blowing us away again. As it is with our relationship – no doubt there will continue to be new versions of the iPad. And our relationship will continue to grow too. How lucky am I! Thanks to my gorgeous husband for being so amazing!

Who cares about the hole in the path? Go around it and discover the pleasure of walking on the grass!

Sitting on the plane returning to Kathmandu and indulging in reading the August issue of O Magazine. There is a section of 10 quizzes designed to help you get to know yourself; ranging from “How do you find joy?” to “How much stress can you take?”. I was drawn by the page with the big, empty white box in the middle, empowered through its separation from the words around it by a three-lined grey border. My eyes returned to the top of the page to see what it would teach me about myself – “What’s your best problem solving approach?”

Part 1, the instructions read: “Think of a dilemma you’re currently facing.” Which one, I giggle to myself. “Now quickly push it aside and switch mental gears: Imagine you’re walking through a park when you come to a hole in the ground blocking your path. In the space below [ah, the gorgeous box!], sketch a scene that illustrates how you manage to continue on your way.”

Once I overcame the fear of sketching anything, I thought, “Well, that’s easy, what’s so hard. You simply step off the path, go on the grass around the hole and rejoin the path on the other side!”

Part 2, the instructions continued: “The way you drew yourself getting past the hole – whether on a tree-branch bridge or in a hot air balloon – may give you a new perspective on getting past the obstacle you’re facing in real life.” Insert screeching tyres sound here – Hgh? Hot air balloon? Who’s making such a big deal out of a little hole in the road?!

Then the article asks a series of questions:

·         “Q. How big is the hole? If it is more like a ditch than a canyon, maybe your real world problem isn’t as severe as you thought.”

·         “Q. Did you use the environment around you to get across the hole? If so, you might benefit from friends/family/counselling support.”

·         “Q. Did you draw your picture quickly? If you were guided by instinct, trust your gut. But if you took your time to think, you might want to learn more about your problem before you continue.”

·         “Q. Did you take a risk, a leap of faith? Bold action just might move you closer to your goal.”

Ah, this made me laugh! For me, it was just a hole, so go off the path and walk around it. No big deal, there will no doubt be more; and who needs the path anyway? Enjoy the feeling of the grass underfoot for a moment and rejoin the path on the other side if you like – or don’t. Maybe continue on the grass! Sure it has its risks – it’s a bumpier ride, you might get lost etc. But it feels amazing and who knows what you’ll find! Besides the path, while clear and sure to get you to the other side, had its holes too, right? And isn’t the purpose to enjoy the park, not get to the other side the fastest?

The power of gratitude - and daughters!

I have long believed in the power of gratitude to contribute to our happiness. After all, it is difficult to be angry/frustrated/sad/[insert any other negative emotion here] if you are feeling grateful for the wonderful things in your life. It could be the little things (a smile from a loved one, an unexpected green light on the way to work) or the big things (a new job, a wonderful relationship). There is always something to be grateful for which will put a smile on your face -try it!

Today, it was my daughter, Nimu, who wins my Hero of the Day Award! We've been without gas (and therefore hot water) for weeks due to the gas shortage in Kathmandu. Knowing I was desperate for a hot shower, my incredible daughter surprised me - telling me there was hot water and to come quickly to shower. I dashed down, thinking she was joking but hopeful nonetheless. And she had boiled 2 buckets full of hot water for me! The feeling of the hot water running over my body made me feel human again - and overwhelmed with gratitude for the hot water, for the electricity being on so I could sit in front of the heater afterwards (we only have 5 hours of electricity a day so lots to be grateful for when it's on, especially unexpectedly), but most importantly, an incredible sense of gratitude for my amazing daughter who really is the best daughter in the whole wide world!

So after a long, busy week and a month of no hot water, the power of gratitude (and a bit of hot water!) to put a smile back on my face sure worked for me. Try it, I guarantee it will work.

You can start with being grateful next time you flick a switch and the light comes on or turn on the tap and hot water comes out! Enjoy!

And thanks, Nimu, I love you so much!

Be happy, healthy and have fun!
Bec xoxo

It's the little things that make up the overall picture of the day!

Our days are like one of those mosiac images - a picture made up of hundreds of tiny images which, when viewed from a distance, give an overall view of a different picture. It's a series of moments, of tiny actions or events, that create the overall impression of our day. So even if there is a bad moment - an argument, an annoying email or phone call, a red light - the overall colour of the day may still be bright!

So today, I had some wonderful moments:

• Rachana, one of my wonderful team members that I have the honour of working with, came top of her class in her Masters results;
• Lata, one of the fantastic girls at Bal Mandir, was in a giggly, happy mood, putting a smile on everyone's faces with her joy at the simple pleasure of having ribbons gently run over her face;
• Nimu, my daughter, was so excited to have pizza at our favourite restaurant, Fire and Ice.

All of these gave a wonderful positive tone to my day. Sure, there were a few frustrations, but they gave balance to the bright spots, highlighting the wonderful.

So next time you miss a parking spot or your coffee is cold, remember it's only one small moment that contributed to the mosaic of your day. Don't let it become the complete picture - keep it as a balancing tool for highlighting the fantastic moments.

Enjoy and be happy, healthy and have fun always,

Bec xox